A Painting I Did In Bella's Honor

Bella's Blog is Finished

I will only be making infrequent posts....perhaps no more at all. I think, for the most part, Bella's Blog is complete. It was done in her honor, as is all of the work I will ever do to help the animals. It was done because I love her. So many of us loved her...even people who never met her. Bella was pure love...so, she is eternal. She is goodness itself. Bella made the world a better place. One day, all those who love the animals in God's creation, will be able to be with them again. I believe that. We will all be together. They will probably be taking care of us. None of us will ever want to be separated again. I know that day will come. Bella's spirit is still with us. We do this work for and because of sweet angels like Bella, Foxy, Lady, Moses, Elle, Stanley, Bruiser, Currie, Maggie, Chicki, Petie, Hope, Vesper, Francis, and sweet baby Opie.....to name a few. We do this work for the millions of animals who have, are and will suffer. At the end of the day, our greatest strength is in prayer. All we can do is give our work and the desires of our hearts to God. We know that animal abuse will not stop until we are in "the life of the world to come" but we can't stop trying...to save one until there are none. I will see you soon sweet girl. You are the apple of my eye. You are the warm, soft breeze that caresses me on a beautiful day. You are the sounds of the oceans, the Canada Geese as they fly overhead, the birds that sing their praises to God each day. You are everything that is good and pure and holy. Your nature reflects the nature of God. Bella, I know that when my time comes to cross over, you will be there with me, as I was there with you. I will see your beautiful, brown eyes and I will go wherever you take me. I won't be afraid of anything...because I will be with my sweet Bella Rose.

Facebook Memorial For Chester

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004011134677

Obituary For Our Beloved Chester

Hi sweet girl.  Have you found Chester yet?  I hope so. You know how much he loved you...and little Lucy. If I were you, I'd stick close to Chet and his "crew" in Heaven where you all are.  I know his work for the animals will be continued so you can help other animals too...just like you helped Lucy that time...helped her after your sweet little spirit had already left your body.  We miss him.  We miss all of you...but I believe that the good you all can do there is even greater than what you were able to do here.  I love you sweet Bella Rose.  You know I'll never forget you...and you know that "deal" we have  :)   Bye for now, angel.  I love you, Mama

This particular post is part of Bella's Blog. If you would like to follow her blog you are most welcome. PLEASE send it far and wide. The more people who read it, the greater chance we have of changing a heart, preventing even one incidence of abuse,  helping someone to love an animal...and maybe work on their behalf.  I try to update as much as possible but if anyone has a story that you think should be included, please send it to me for consideration at starfish1118@gmail.com  Thanks :)

Rescue Ink

This is Rescue Ink. They like to say that they "educate" animal abusers.
We need a group like this in Memphis. I hope we will have one soon.

Monday. June 27, 2011.
Rescue Ink has been dissolved due to theft of the money on the part of some of the members. Take a look at Vesper....then imagine taking the money. You have to be scum to do something like that. It will be punished. Of that I am sure.

Vesper was rehabilitated by Eric Bellows. This is his new website.
http://www.packethic.com/

No matter who is dishonest, no matter how many are corrupt...there are a bunch of us out here who you aren't going to stop. Take your money. Think of Judas. That's who you are.

Visiting Bella Today

Today, Michael and I went to Dixie Memorial Pet Cemetery to visit our sweet Bella Rose at her little resting place. I loved being near her but it was both consoling and sad. From day one until the end of Bella's life, Michael was always there to help me with her, to bathe her, to carry her when she was too weak to walk, to visit her, to go to the doctor with us, all the way up to her funeral.......and I appreciate his help so much.  Bella loved him and she knew he loved her. It is right and appropriate that she should have a sweet resting place and be honored in that way.  She suffered so in life...until she came to live with us...and I am so glad that we could give her 11 months of happiness and that we could bury her in a place which she deserved.  God bless my girl.I've included here a picture of her headstone, a picture of me at her grave that I didn't know Michael was taking and two pictures of me with my sweet Michael. Bella angel...I love you with all my heart....more than words can say.  Rest in peace, sweet girl.  Have fun in Heaven.  I will see you again one day and we will be together again.  You are the best girl in all the world and you will always be in Mama's heart

Commercial Appeal Article About Spay/Neuter Ordinance

Wearing red, supporters of a proposed ordinance calling for the mandatory spaying or neutering of dogs listen intently during a public hearing on the matter in Memphis City Council chambers on Tuesday.

A majority of the 75 or so people who met in Memphis City Council chambers Tuesday to talk about a proposed mandatory spay or neuter ordinance for the city's dogs were already sold on the plan.

At the outset, councilman Shea Flinn, ordinance sponsor, reminded the gathering that everyone present wanted to better control the animal population.

"I think it's important to note that everyone here, whatever their position, is for better welfare for the animal population in this city," Flinn said. "We can all agree we're not doing a good enough job. We can all agree that we can do better."

Supporters, most decked out in red, included representatives from rescue groups, the Memphis Animal Shelter advisory board and the Humane Society of Memphis and Shelby County.

They said opponents, including dog breeders, have financial interests in blocking the ordinance.

They also pointed out that the shelter takes in 18,000 animals a year and has a more than 80 percent euthanasia rate.

"If the public is in opposition of this spay/neuter ordinance, all they have to do is go to the Memphis shelter any day of the week and look in all those innocent animals' eyes, sad and depressed, and they will know that we need change," said rescuer Rita Leone.

Cindy Sanders, a shelter advisory board member, noted that dog bites come mostly from animals that haven't been spayed or neutered, and that feces from strays contaminate the water sources, attract rodents and produce a fly over-population.

"The numbers are not going down and if we continue on this path, there's going to be no stopping it," Sanders said.

Ordinance opponents, who were significantly outnumbered, included Donna Malone, president of Responsible Animal Owners of Tennessee. Her research found that communities across the country have instituted and repealed spay/neuter ordinances after experiencing increased shelter costs. She supports low-cost spay/neuter options and other educational programs.

Dr. Jennifer Clay, a veterinarian at Utopia Animal Hospital, said she supports spaying and neutering, but not a mandatory ordinance. Her concern is that dog owners who get their dogs only rabies shots may skip even that if they are required by law to also spay or neuter.

"I actually profit from spay/neuter, but I'm not for mandatory spay/neuter," Clay said.

In January Flinn proposed a mandatory spay/ neuter ordinance for pit bull breeds only, but now says a ordinance for all dogs would have a better chance of passing legal obstacles.

A draft of the ordinance has not been written, he said, there will need to be more research and additional meetings before a final ordinance is ready to present to the city council.

Shelter director Matthew Pepper, who started his job this month, said that as a newcomer he was there to listen. He said whatever the fate of the ordinance, community-based programs that address responsible pet ownership will be needed.

Pepper replaced Ernest Alexander, who was indicted in February on multiple counts of aggravated animal cruelty stemming from the deaths of three terriers at the shelter when he was director.

Also indicted were former shelter supervisor Tina Quattlebaum and veterinarian Angela Middleton.

-- Linda A. Moore: 529-2702

Happy New Year - 2010

Hey, sweet Bella. What are you doing, baby girl? It's about to turn to 2010! Another year. Naturally, I started thinking about my sweet girl...wondering what you and your friends are doing. Having fun and helping others, I'm sure of that...just like you helped little Lucy! She is so much better!! I'm so proud of you Bella and so glad to know that you are as alive as ever. There is just a thin veil between us and one day, we will be together again.

Ollie is fine...he's here with me in the den...Petie too. They are doing just about all the same things that they did when you were here. Not much has changed except there is a little empty spot in the house where you used to be but we are fine and we won't always have to miss each other. Everyone has work to do first...right baby girl?

Well, happy new year Bella. The fireworks have already started going off. I'm glad you won't be afraid of them this year. You'll never have to be afraid of anything ever again, will you angel?

I love you, Bella. You know I always will...forever and ever. You are in my heart every minute of every day. I'll always love my baby girl. Mama

Thanksgiving Day, 2009

Today is Thanksgiving Day, 2009.
I have so many blessings and I'm so thankful to be alive and be here with my children and their friends. I'm thankful for everything that God has given to us...so many things I couldn't even begin to count. I am very grateful that He has provided opportunities for us to use the gifts that He gave to us. I'm also so grateful that He has brought into my life so many wonderful people who love and serve the animals. I cannot imagine not being able to be around people who love animals. These animal advocates are just the sweetest and best people. They have enriched my life so much and they have done so much good for the animals.

The only thing I ask of God is to please let me keep on living....to help more animals and to be with my children, their spouses and their children one day. That's the desire of my heart, for me personally. I also hope that we can see progress in animal and child care and see our society have a greater appreciation and respect for all groups who are vulnerable and who need good people to take up for them and show them love. The world seems to be in a mess right now so we have a long way to go but I think there are more good people than bad people so that's encouraging a little.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. She lost her mother a year ago and she was telling me how in the first year, she found herself thinking of dates and thinking...a year ago, we were doing this or that, a year ago she was alive, a year ago...

Today I find myself thinking of Bella in the same way. A year ago, on Thanksgiving Day, Bella was really starting to feel well, she had come through her heartworm treatment, she felt happy, peaceful and safe with her new family....and we were all so happy to have her and loved her so much.

The picture is a photo of a new iris bloom I saw in the yard today and somehow thought of Bella. Everything outside almost is dying as the winter comes on but this flower is blooming, it is resisting dying, it is living. I think that is Bella. I think she is with God, alive and well. I think she is happy and enjoying all that God had waiting for her when her spirit left her body. I think I will see her again one day and that thought makes me especially happy. I think she and I will be very happy to see each other once again.

The first thing I plan to do is give her a great big hug and I know that before I even will be able to get to her, she will be turning her head to the side, with a big smile on her facce, like she always did when she knew I was coming to hug her.

Why would I ever be afraid to die with Bella waiting for me?
I love you sweet Bella Rose. I always will...forver and ever. Mama

Christ And The Animals

Indian Legend

There is an Indian legend which says when a human dies there is a bridge they must cross to enter into heaven. At the head of that bridge waits every animal that human encountered during their lifetime. The animals, based upon what they know of this person, decide which humans may cross the bridge.... and which are turned away.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

I've Always Loved Animals

This is the way I slept when I was a little girl. I would get into my twin bed and put all my stuffed animals around me. It seems like most of the bed was covered. I would have loved to sleep with a living animal but we weren't allowed to. I do now, though and I've always allowed my children to do so when they had a dog or a cat.

I have loved animals my whole life. We lived on a small piece of land so we had lots of animals growing up....dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, rabbits, turtles, fish and others I'm sure. It was always natural and easy to love the. You can imagine, then, how easy it was to love Bella...from the moment I saw her. She was just nothing but sweetness, innocence and light. I'll always love her.

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY DOG'S ABUSER

I wrote this letter to whomever hurt Bella Rose before she escaped and became a member of our family. It was printed on the homepage of one of our local television stations and we had so much positive feedback.

I can only hope that her abuser will one day see it somewhere, or perhaps it will help some thug stop abusing animals or maybe it will help some animals.

I'm going to have some copies made and leave them around. The more I leave the greater the chance that her abuser will see it...and if not her abuser then another abuser.

I've sent it to everyone I can think of because I want to make a difference and I want to help animals who are suffering. That is why I tried to say who Bella was. I tried to put a face on an abused animal and tell whoever reads this that they all have feelings and they suffer trauma, fear, anxiety and physical diseases after they are treated so cruelly. I hope it helps.

I included a picture of Bella the way she looked when she escaped and the way I first saw her in the shelter. That's the only way they would recognize her.

Then I posted the way she was after her recovery. I call this picture Bella And Her Baby.

I wanted to tell them that they didn't win, Bella did. She was stronger than they were because she overcame so much and she had a life full of love and that they shouldn't have done that to any dog and not to this dog.....so beautiful, regal, sweet and beloved.
*************************************************************************************(Memphis 8/26/2009)
Diane McManus is an animal advocate who offers her time to various organizations helping animals in the Memphis, Tennessee area.

A German Shepherd McManus rescued, Bella, died recently and she penned this letter to Bella's former owner who abused her for years. McManus told me, " I don't know who they are but I want them to perhaps one day see what I have written and know who she was.......she was my heart for starters."


AN OPEN LETTER TO MY DOG'S ABUSER

Does anyone know this dog? She was my dog after she was yours. I don't know who you are but God does. I am not here to judge you or condemn you. Your conscience, if you still have one and God, at your judgement, if you don't ask for His forgiveness, will take care of that. I AM going to tell you about my sweet Bella Rose, though.

The first picture, where she looks so frightened, is the first picture I ever saw of her...at Memphis Animal Services, formerly known as the pound. She was a day away from death and had been thrown away like garbage. I had been wanting a German Shepherd and two loving souls who work at the shelter let me know this one had come in.

From the moment I saw her, I couldn't wait to get to her. I knew she needed help and no person or animal should ever feel as afraid as she was obviously feeling. She was terrified. You can see it in her eyes. What you can't see are all the diseases that she was fighting, the ribs that were showing the psychological scars and pain. I wasn't going to let this beautiful, dignified, stately German Shepherd die alone in the shelter.

The moment I saw this picture, I named her Bella, which means beautiful. A while later, I began to call her Bella Rose....my beautiful rose. What was your name for her? Did you give her a name or just call her dog? What did you call her, when you were screaming at her or beating her? I know she was beaten because the whole time she was here, even after she trusted me, when I got a broom to sweep the floor, she would cower and quickly move away from it. Here's how Webster's dictionary defines cower: "to shrink away or crouch especially for shelter from something that menaces, domineers, or dismays." She never forgot the beatings.

Why did you hurt her? Was it to make yourself feel powerful? Was it to vent your frustration at your miserable life? Your life has to be miserable for you to be able to hurt an innocent animal....and such a sweet animal. There's never been a sweeter one. No happy person would do something like that.

I got to the shelter that day. Bella could not stand...so I crawled in the cage, helped her to stand up and we slowly walked out to my car...to go home. There was a large, thick, canvas collar on her that we couldn't get off, so a kind shelter worker cut it off for us.

I got her home that first day. My son and I gave her a warm bath outside. Brown "stuff" poured off of her. We didn't know what it was at first, then we realized that it was dried blood, from the hundreds of flea, tick and fly bites that she had endured. Would you ever want to go through something like that? Can you imagine how she had suffered, just from that one problem? They caused terrible diseases in her too but underneath all that sweetness was a fighter and she wanted to live and she over came most of those problems....but not all of them. The next time you get a flea bite, a bug bite or any kind of bite, or maybe poison ivy, a sting, an allergic reaction or itch for any reason, multiply what you are feeling by a few hundred or a few thousand and think of her.

That first day, we couldn't get her clean, so my son carried her upstairs. I put her in the shower, got in with her, soaped her up and let her enjoy the wonderful warm water. She was finally clean. Then my son carried her back outside into the sunshine and fed her another meal. She was starving and all her ribs were showing. I'll bet you have plenty to eat, don't you? The next time you get the slightest bit hungry, or can't get to sleep because of that empty spot in your stomach, think of her.

I took her to the vet the next day. It was found that Bella had intestinal parasites which turned out to be her easiest hurdle to overcome. She also had the most severe case of heartworms that a dog can have and still be alive. That meant that for a long time, she had trouble breathing and she was worn out. I thought of putting her to sleep then, to put her out of her misery but we decided to give her a chance. She went through the difficult treatments. After the first one, when the large worms in her heart and lungs were being killed and eliminated, she coughed and choked until I thought she would die. This went on for days....and nights. I stayed up with her and helped her all I could. There is no more lonely feeling that to be sick and up alone while everyone else is sleeping. What she went through to live is something no one would want to go through. If you are ever sick and coughing, have difficulty breathing for any reason, choking for any reason or suffering a heart attack, some form of cancer or any other illness that causes you to struggle for air........think of her.

When we had her teeth cleaned, or I should say what teeth she had left, there was so much decay that some teeth had to be pulled, including one large tooth that involved cutting into the jawbone. That tooth the vet kept to show students because she had never seen that much disease in a tooth. Just one more painful hurdle for my sweet girl. That much decay had no doubt caused her chronic pain....but we kept her comfortable until she healed. The next time you have a toothache, or are sitting in the dentist's chair and he's coming at you with that needle and that drill, think of her.

Then there were the continual problems with her everyday breathing. It was decided that it was caused by the permanent scarring of her lungs that came with the case of severe heartworms. She lived with this breathing problem most days but we gave her medicines to help her with that and we kept her comfortable so that she could enjoy life, which is the way God intended it. If you come down with any type of illness in your lungs or your heart and you find it difficult to breath, for any reason......think of her.

One day she woke up and had trouble walking. Something was hurting her. The vet found that she had "severe hip dysplasia" and arthritis....two more very painful conditions. One day, if not already, we will all have arthritis. We will wrap ourselves up in a warm blanket and probably curl up with a heating pad to ease the pain. Did you leave her out in the cold in the wintertime? You know how much worse the cold makes the pain. If you ever have arthritis and you are hurting and find it difficult to get up, perhaps walk, or are experiencing any pain at all in your body, for any reason..... think of her.

She finally made it through the treatments. She put on weight little by little. She loved her food. After a while, the vet even told me she needed to loose a few pounds. That was a happy problem to have. She finally did loose that weight, rapidly, when her body erupted with hundreds of sores and lesions from top to bottom, head to toe. Along with the skin eruptions she had terrible diarrhea and was throwing up. She was in pain and felt horrible. Her immune system was shot, no doubt due to her abuse and neglect and the illnesses brought on by such a hard life. She had to go back to the hospital. If you ever have a sore of any kind on your body, if it causes you pain, itching or any discomfort at all, or if you have any stomach problems that cause you to be sick and in pain, if you feel so sick you wish you could die..... think of her.

It was after this last problem that I decided that she had had enough. I wasn't going to let her suffer any longer. Even though we had always kept her comfortable with the medications that she needed and never let her experience any pain if possible, enough was enough. This girl had fought so many battles and she was tired.

She never deserved to be abused or neglected. She never deserved to be afraid. No animal or person deserves what she went through in her lifetime. She deserved only the best because she was the best. It was time for her to rest.

We only got to spend 11 months together but those 11 months were spent with a family who loved her and treated her with respect. We did everything we could to make up for all of the injustice that had been inflicted upon her.

She was in a safe place when she went back to God. She was surrounded by people who loved her and still do. I was holding her in my arms and talking to her. While the vet was administering the medications that would mercifully stop her suffering, she had a pretty, soft blanket over her and I was showing her a sweet little pink teddy bear that she loved. It had been sent to her by a friend in Pennsylvania who had never even met her but who had heard about what she had been through and what an angel she was. Bella had friends all over this country. They had read about her on the blog I dedicated to her. They had seen her pictures and knew how beautiful she was.

Bella died August 24, 2009 and my heart is broken. I can't stop crying. There is a place in my heart and in our home that will never be filled. The only thing that helps me is knowing that I am going to spend the rest of my days working to assure that anyone who hurts an animal will get a proper punishment

When I saw her for the last time, at the cemetery where she was buried, when her loving spirit had already left this earth, I told her that I would never stop trying to help the animals and that I would do it in her name and in her honor. I also promised her that I would never let her suffering be forgotten. I will keep that promise to her for as long as God allows me to be here and if he allows me to help from the next life, I will do that, too.

I think I have mentioned most of the physical battles she fought. There have been so many that I may have overlooked a few. Now I want to tell you about the psychological aspects of Bella's life.

The day she came to us, she was terrified, lost, pitiful and mentally broken. She expected to be hit every minute. She didn't wag her tail, or make eye contact. She didn't bark. My son and I hugged her and kissed her and told her we loved her and she was safe....but she didn't know what a hug or a kiss even were. My primary goal was to make up to her whatever had happened to her to bring her to this horrible place. I didn't want her to die only having had a life of suffering. I wanted her to know love, safety, peace, happiness, a family, fun....all the things that every person and every animal should know. It's the way God wants it...and He always has the last word.

I wanted to see her wag her tail one day, bark, feel safe, play, smile, run. She finally did all those things and more. She always lived in the house with us. You kept her outside, didn't you...even during storms and the bitter cold and the heat. She was terrified of storms. The first one we went through together, she got in bed with me, the dog and the cat. It was adorable.

She had no front teeth. She had worn them down trying to either get off of a chain or out of a pen. She would only go out on the patio out back to eat, go to the bathroom and come right back in. She didn't like to go anywhere else outside, though. It frightened her...so we didn't make her. We let her live the way she wanted to live. She was no trouble. She was perfect. All she wanted was to eat, come in the house, rest close to her family, and sleep on her nice soft bed. That's all. She never asked for much.

Her best friend was our Chihuahua, Petie. They made a funny little couple. They were together all the time and if one went somewhere, the other wanted to go too. Petie taught her how to get excited and happy when her family came home. She went from not knowing what that meant to smiling, barking and spinning with delight when one of us came through the back door. It was pure joy to come home to these two. You always knew you were loved and had been missed. Bella and the cat had a running game. They liked to kind of tease each other. They both had a lot of fun with this.

Bella would look at me for hours and I would look at her. There was a lot of love that flowed between the two of us and I talked to her all the time. I told her what a pretty girl she was and how much I loved her. I promised her that I would never let anyone hurt her again. She protected me, too. Nobody was going to bother me when they saw Bella. She looked fierce and she had a very intimidating bark but underneath, she was a sweet doll baby.

She loved for me to rub her tummy and her back and when she wanted to play or get a tummy rub she would turn her head a certain way and wag her tail. It was adorable. She would smile and make those happy noises that they make and I would laugh and give her kisses. Some days she didn't feel well, though, and when she was sick at night and would wake up, I would hum a little lullaby to her and she would go right back to sleep....just like a little baby. She and Petie and I all slept in the same room. Whenever I woke up during the night, I would look down, and there was sweet Bella Rose, asleep on her soft bed. It was a wonderful feeling. One night, she started wagging her tail in her sleep! She must have been having a happy dream. It was so sweet and I was so happy for her.

She had the most beautiful brown eyes. They were full of love, sweetness and gratitude. She appreciated her new life so much and she told me that all the time, in so many ways. I was grateful for the love she gave to me and the happiness that she brought into our home. She was a gift from God and she was a soulmate. It is one of my greatest hopes, that when it is my time to die, I will see Bella standing there. I want to see those pretty brown eyes again and that sweet face. I want her to help me cross over, like I helped her when it was her time. I'd go anywhere with Bella. I would never be afraid if she was at my side and I know she felt the same way about me.

Bella would have done all these things for you, too. She was full of love and light and goodness. All you would have had to do was love her and be kind to her, the way God wanted you to be. She would have protected you. She would have died for you. You missed so much.

I've heard people say things like...."it's just a dog or it's just an animal." Have you ever realized that dog is God spelled backwards? I think it is because they reflect His image in their love, loyalty, forgiveness, sweetness and need for us. All they want is to be with us and for us to love them and in turn, they want to love us and to protect us. God is like that too. That is why He created us....to share love and life.

He also created all the animals and that in itself gives them worth and dignity. They are His and we are to be kind to them. We have no right to hurt them. Whoever does hurt them will have to answer to Him.

There have been so many times that I have wanted to hurt you. I wanted to do to you what you did to her because God knows, she didn't deserve it. I'm letting all that go, though. What goes around comes around and there will be some way that God will obtain justice for her and for all animals who suffer at the hands of cruel people. What He does to you will be much worse than whatever I could do to you. If you don't change and ask for forgiveness for what you did, you will be punished. I can't say that that thought bothers me, though it probably should if I were a better person....but I'm not. I'm just a person who is stuck now with a Bella shaped hole in my heart and I truly want you to know how much you hurt her, how good she was, how much I loved her and how much I miss her.

To you, to anyone who is fighting dogs or hurting animals in any way.....please stop. They can feel every single thing that we can feel, both physically and mentally. Anything you can feel, they feel too....both the good and the bad. Please think about that. Do unto them as you would want it done unto you.

If you have any shred of humanity left in you, any compassion or goodness, think about their feelings....think about their suffering. They are God's creatures. He created them and He loves them. He will speak for them one day. He will have the last word and He will come down on the side of love. He will defend the helpless and those who have been hurt. He will punish those who have hurt them. It may happen in this life or it may happen in the next....but it will not go unpunished.

As you go through your life, anytime you are dealing with any physical discomforts of any kind, whether it be something minor like a sore throat, an ear ache, a headache, an upset stomach, an itch, trouble seeing, walking, weakness, anything other than perfect health, think of my sweet Bella. She's been through all of that.

If it is something more serious that threatens your life and makes you feel that you just can't keep going, think of Bella. Think of her especially when you are dying. You might be in pain, you might be gasping for air, you might have broken bones. You might be begging for medication that will ease your suffering or you might be begging to die. Please think of her. She has been through every physical burden you can imagine.

If you ever experience anything emotional or mental, remember her, please. I've told you what she was like when she got here....lost and broken. I also know that Bella suffered for years before she finally escaped. I know that she was kept, most likely, alone, in some kind of "hostage situation" and she had all the mental scars of any other hostage. I know she was afraid and confused...hurt and broken hearted. She had to go through everything without the comfort of love, compassion, or companionship. She had to go through everything alone...no mother or father to protect her, no loving caretaker....just some mean person who saw her as their property and felt entitled to treat her with any amount of cruelty and disrespect. If they saw how much they were hurting her, they didn't care. I hope you are never in her situation but if you are, for any reason or if anyone you love is in any of these situations I've mentioned...think of her.

In spite of all of her suffering, Bella was a fighter. She was strong and she wanted to live. She finally broke free, somehow. She had been found roaming through the streets, sick, starving and she was picked up by animal control and brought to the shelter. She finally got off of the chain or out of the pen. She had no teeth in the front for all her efforts but her efforts had finally paid off and she had a loving family waiting for her. It could have gone the other way and she knew it. She could have faced more abuse. Thank God she didn't have to.

If you are ever lonely, if you wish someone would call you to go out or come by to see you, if you feel abandoned or rejected, if all you ever want is for someone to love you, please think of Bella. If you are ever in a situation where you are going to be hurt by other people, if you are ever afraid, for any reason, depressed, anxious or just a little unsettled.. ...think of her. She felt all of those things during her lifetime of abuse and knowing how timid she was, it must have been unspeakably difficult.

If you ever find yourself alone and in need, if you have no family, especially during your later years, remember her. She was an older girl, though we didn't know an exact age, and all she wanted was a soft bed, a quiet home, to be cool in the summer, warm in the winter, to be clean, fed, to be loved and cared for, to be with her family. That's what she wanted. Her beautiful brown eyes that looked at me constantly with so much love told me that. I looked at her with the same love and gratitude and she knew what I was telling her. We were on the same page when it came to loving each other.

It's not too late for you to change and to make it up to the animals, to God and to yourself. You can't feel good deep down inside knowing that you have caused one of God's innocent creatures to suffer so terribly.
God forbid a child has seen you treat her cruelly. That would be an additional sin for which you must make amends.

To my sweet Bella Rose. I love you baby girl, with all my heart. I miss you so much. Thank you for all the love you gave to me. We had fun, didn't we? Petie and Ollie say hello too. The house just isn't the same without you. Enjoy your new life, angel. You deserve to be happy and well. I'll see you again, sweet girl. Love, Mama.

Interesting Dream

Last week I had a dream. I was back in our house on Walnut Grove. I was looking in a drawer where my mother kept old family photographs...from multiple generations.

All of a sudden my cousin's little girl, who is four years old, came in the room and came over to me. She was dressed in the beautiful off white long flower girl dress with the pink sash that she had worn to a wedding. She is an only child but there was another child with her....a smaller child, playing alongside her...following her where she went .......but independent.

The older child came over to me and said...."Diane, there is something that you MUST do." I said, ok, what is it? (Normally, of course, she doesn't talk like this...but it was a dream) She said.... "you must always take care of Bella."

I was a little startled but said...oh, I will, I promise! Then, because she seemed concerned and needed reassurance, I went on to tell her that Bella was in a very sweet place, that there were other animals there with her and a pond....it was peaceful and pretty and I promised that I would always take care of her.

I'm not one to give much importance to dreams and I've never been the "psychic" type but I started to think about this dream and something told me that it meant something.

I wrote to her mother and to her grandmother and told them about the dream. I said to her mother...."are you pregnant?"

The grandmother wrote back and said....no, she's not pregnant but that was a really sweet dream. I hadn't heard anything from the child's mother until today. She said, I've been putting off calling you because Mom and Dad didn't know until this weekend....but I am pregnant!! She and her husband could not believe the timing of this dream or my question to her..."are you pregnant?"

So I was trying to figure out if the other child in the dream was a boy or a girl and I can't really say for sure. I told her that the other, smaller child in the dream might have been wearing a very light blue cotton outfit but I didn't know if it was a dress or a little boy's outfit. If I had to guess one over the other, I would say that that child was another girl......but I'm just not sure. I did tell her, though, that the child was healthy, which is the only important thing really.

We will find out in December if it's a boy or a girl...but I just had a feeling that this dream meant something....and having her say that about Bella helped me to remember it I guess.

In real life, the child had never met Bella but her grandmother had and she was very moved by her story and loved her very much.

Memories Of Bella

I was at Mass tonight and I started thinking of Bella, how sweet she was, how I'd love to give her a hug. I started thinking....what is my favorite memory. No way to answer that because there are so many but one I always got a happy feeling from was the way she would act when she wanted to play or get her tummy rubs. She would do the same thing when I'd play with her and I'd say...."I'm gunna come get you! I'm coming to give you a big kiss and a big hug!"

She would start to wag her tail, walk around a little bit and duck her head down and turn it to the side a little. She would look up then duck back down and she would keep doing that over and over....with a big smile on her face.

It was just adorable...the cutest thing and of course, I just wanted to hug her endlessly when she would do this. So sweet.

Of course, when she first got here she didn't have any idea what anything like this was. She had no reactions, no tail wagging, no smiles...nothing.

It doesn't take them long to start to come alive. I would recommend adopting an abused animal anytime. It's the most rewarding experience to give them the gift of a safe and loving home and what they give in return is just priceless.

Thinking of you baby girl :)

Acceptance

It is time for me to, at least, accept what has happened and move forward.
Bella would want me to. It will help me and it will help her, too, to enjoy the place where she is now...with God.

It's not going to do me any good or Bella any good or change anything if I concentrate on what happened to her in the past. That is for God to deal with.

I don't know why innocent animals and innocent children have to suffer. Whatever the reason, it will never cause me to doubt God or His goodness. He hates it as much as we do and He will deal with it in His way and in His time.

I don't know why Bella died. I think it was many things that just caught up with her but I do know that whatever it was, it was bigger than both of us. We went as far as we could go...and every day that we spent together was a happy day, full of love.

She's always with me because she is in my heart. We can still look at each other and love each other....physical death doesn't change that.

So, sweet girl, I return you to God, our Creator. You are one of the sweetest gifts that He has ever given to me. I'm glad you are safe...and now, I'm going to do what I promised you that I would do. I'm going to continue to try to help some of your fellow animals and I'm going to do it in your honor. I will never let you be forgotten.

There is just a thin veil between us...hardly anything at all. We are still together because we love each other. It is time for you to play and have fun. It is time for me to get back to work.

See you later, baby girl.
I love you,
Mama

Hello Sweet Girl

Hey, Bella,
Mama misses you sweet girl. I'm sad but I don't want to hold you back. Go and play and enjoy your new life. I'll be with you again one day....and you can show me around. We will like that won't we?

Are you having fun? I'll bet you have made a lot of new friends. Isn't it great that nobody is mean where you are? No one will ever hurt you again. I know you feel better too. No more itchy skin, no more trouble breathing or tummy aches. It's a nice place isn't it, baby?

Maybe you will get to see Currie. She used to live here too and you two are a lot alike....both so sweet, so gentle...neither of you would ever hurt anyone. I think you two would make great friends.

I think of you all the time but I'm going to be alright. You are right here in my heart so you are still with me and I know that your family is in your sweet heart too. We love each other a lot, don't we?

Petie is still here in the den, sitting on his pillows. Ollie is outside, probably chasing birds. Mama is here, just doing what we always did. John and Michael and Brittany are fine. So are Leia and Puddy and Charlie. We are ok.

I'm so proud of you Bella. You were always so strong and beautiful. You overcame so much. They couldn't overcome you, though, could they? I'm sorry they were so mean to you, Angel. You didn't deserve that. You know that now. I hope we helped you to forget some of those bad memories. I think we did.

So many people ask about you Bella. It seems that so many people love you. They have heard Mama tell them all about how sweet you are....what an angel you always were when you lived here and what an angel you still are and always will be. That's all you know how to do, isn't it girl....be an angel. You made the world a better place. Nobody can do better than that.

Go have fun Baby Girl. Run, be happy, be with your friends, lay in the sun, play. Tell God hello for us and tell him we love Him. We know He loves us because He sent you to our home.....our Bella Rose.

See you later, Sweet Heart.
I love you.
Mama

In Heaven With His Dog

I Miss My Girl

It's time for me to get all of this out. I haven't cried in about a week but I've made up for it today. I'm back to what if I had done this or that. What if she could have made it with a little more time. Look what I did to Bella. It was too soon. I could have given her more anti-biotics. This is torture. I just hope she is happy and that she still loves me. I hope I get to see her again.

In about ten months time, we had addressed every medical issue that she had. Everything was going well except for the bumps on her head. There weren't that many at first but slowly they increased just a little bit.

Her vet had just about run out of options and suggested a specialist. We saw an internal medicine specialist. He found that her heart was in good shape, no pulmonary hypertension but some chronic lower airway disease probably secondary to her severe heartworms...so that would explain the respiratory problems.

He continued the Doxycycline because her Erlichia titers were still very elevated. We had to find out where she was with that. As I understand it, it is a blood disease which can be mistaken for leukemia and it is a tick borne disease. Just another thing Bella suffered because of her neglect her entire life.

To make a long story short about this problem, it was eventually discovered that Bella had had Erlichia but that she had been successfully treated for it and it was not active at this time. That's how I understand it anyway.

Then the internist continued her Prevacox and Tramadol for arthritis pain.

Now on to the allergist. I didn't really care for this doctor. I didn't think she was a good communicator and I really couldn't understand all of the information that was being thrown at us at once. I went to take notes and she told me that wouldn't be necessary, everything would be in the report. Well, maybe it would but I was trying to make notes that I could understand. I called her once to ask her about something in the report and she returned my call. I called again to ask about somethingi else and she wouldn't return my call. I guess she wanted me to come back in. I'm sure it's more profitable.

She put her on Douxo Calm Shampoo and Spray, Clindamycin (another anti-biotic) for three weeks and changed up the medication for heartworm preventioin, flea and tick control. that was fine with me. She also put Ollie and Petie on the same three meds because she said if they weren't on the same things, they might reinfect Bella and each other.

Bella's ears were looking red inside and she gave her some Bur-Otic HC drops, a topical steroid for her ears. Bella used to love to get this because I would rub her ears and that felt good to her.

What I know now is the redness was caused by the skin irritation which was progressing a little at a time by now.

Then we saw a third vet for another opinion. He put her on Purina HA died....strictly that and water to see if the itching stopped. It did! So we knew that this was a food allergy problem. The idea was to keep her on that for about three months and introduce one food at a time to find the culprit.

He gave her an allergy injection, probably a steroid and Ditrim, which is a sulfa drug.

About a week and a half later, Bella had intestinal pain and horrible diarrhea so my son and I took her back to the vet. Then she was given a parasite test, which was negative, a Diathal Injection and sent home with Flagyl and Tramadol.

She was going downhill and I just started throwing out medications...except things that would keep her comfortable. It seemed to me that Bella was on too much medication. It was like one thing led to another.

Two days later, I noticed that she had lost some hair on her head and my son and I took her back to the doctor. While we were in the waiting room, hair started falling out on her nose and head. My son saw it and said, "what the hell is going on?!" and I told him I didn't have any idea. It was terrible.

When we got to the treatment room, we showed him what was happening and I said that I thought the bumps had increased. He looked alarmed and took her in the back to shave her head so he could get a better look. You will see a picture below of what she looked like when she came back. It is not pleasant to look at and my son and I both gasped when they brought her back in the room, after washing the lesions, treating her, giving her a Gentocin injection and Dexamethasone injection.

We took her home to get her comfortable but at this point I said, we are going back to Dr. Heartsill. She has known Bella longer than anyone and though we had felt we had run out of options and needed a second opinion, this was not going well.

When I took her back to Dr. H, one receptionist was so startled that she jumped back and another started to cry. They were expecing to see Bella the way she looked the last time they had seen her.

I told Dr. Heartsill that I thought she was on too much medication and she agreed.
She sedated her and did skin biopsies and sent them off to a physician in Canada that she had a lot of faith in. I picked Bella up the next morning and we came home.

We went on like this for about two and a half weeks. Bella had good days and bad days. One day I went in to check on her and she had a tear coming out of her left eye which was rolling down her face. She looked so tired and so sad....we were both that way. I just hugged her and told her I loved her.

I asked Dr. H if dogs can cry and she said yes though it is not common. Bella was crying. That's what I saw. She had been through so much. Maybe she knew we were getting to the end. I don't know. I pretty much don't know anything right now, especially, what happened to my dog.

Then she started to get extremely destructive...more than usual. So I started getting everything organized so that she couldn't get into things. I went to Walgreens across the street and was gone about 10-15 minutes and when I came in I found the mess you will see below. I had put everything on the kitchen table and pushed it way back so she couldn't get to it but she did and she tore everything up including the gate off of Ollies little house. She didn't want me to leave her at all and I didn't after that.

We had a wonderful present from her Aunt Toni and that really raised her spirits. There was a pretty blanket for Bella which she loved right away....and a little pink teddy bear. There was a pull toy, a toy for Petie and one for Ollie. This is from someone I have never met. She is another animal advocate and knew what was happening with Bella and wanted to send a "care package."

So finally, the biopsy came back. I don't understand all of it. All I know is that something terrible was wrong with her skin. The report said things like "I sense the desperation of this poor owner" and it was going to be hard to figure out the "etiologic message from the skin biopsies" (the reason), "dramatic lesions", "this is going to be an uphill battle." There was "no fungal disease, immune-mediated skin diseases, or idiosyncratic drug reaction and there was no cancer."

I think it meant we could keep trying but we weren't sure what we were fighting.

At that point, I just said...no more. We cannot do this anymore. If someone could give us a guarantee that would be one thing but Bella and I had done everything to "make it all go away" and we were both exhausted. We were both at the end of the line...and neither one of us wanted to say goodbye to the other one.

I let Dr. Heartsill know what I had decided. I told her that I would not ask her to do it because I knew how much she loved Bella and how much her staff loved her too. She told me to bring her in ....that she wanted to help her this one last time. I thought that was really sweet and that's where I wanted Bella to be for that journey.

So we went in the next day. They had put a quilt down on the floor of the conference room and we went in to spend some time together alone. It was the only time that Bella has let me hold her for as long as I wanted to and do the little spoons thing. Usually she would get tired of it and eventually move away....but not this time. I just kept rubbing her tummy and telling her how much I loved her and thanking her for all the love she had given to us...for everything. I asked her to come back for me when it was my time because if I can see her and those beautiful brown eyes, I won't be afraid.

Then I told Dr. H to come in. She and her assistant came in the room....so Bella was surrounded by people who loved her. I was holding her, as was her assistant. Dr. H injected some saline to clear the line....Bella didn't like that and she tried to pull her arm away. Of course, that makes me sad to think of that now. I hope it was just because the saline was cold. Then she gave her medication that would put her to sleep like they do in surgery so after that she wouldn't know anything that was going on. Of course, at that point, Bella just put her head down. She was all the way under like we are when we are given anesthesia. Then Dr. H gave her the final injection that would stop her breathing and her heart.

Dr. Heartsill listened with her stethoscope, the way they always do and she said..."she's already gone." Bella went right away. It didn't take her anytime. She was ready. She was out of here.

In a way, seeing her go that quickly was comforting to me. Maybe I had done the right thing. Maybe she really was as tired as she seemed. Maybe I was right about stopping. This is always an agonizing, impossible decision and there will always be days that I doubt myself.

Then, of course, my mind started playing tricks on me the way it does when something like this happens. When I got home, I called Dr. Heartsill and said, "make sure she's gone! I don't want her to wake up in that cooler!" She understood. I think a lot of people go through things like that when they have to put an animal to sleep or when they loose a loved one or experience some trauma.

Dr. Heartsill is so comforting and so understanding. She told me that she was gone and she said "the way I know that is because I checked her eye reflexes. I always do that because they are the last reflexes to go. Bella didn't have any eye reflexes. She's gone."

I think a really good vet or a really good physician has to be able to deal with people who are grieving and semi-hysterical, panicky and not thinking clearly. Thank God that Dr. Heartsill knew what to say to me to calm me down and assure me that Bella was safe.

Those Who Came To Bella's Funeral

In the first picture you see Diane, Petie and Chester. Bella and Petie were best friends and Petie never left her side for 11 months....just like I didn't. We were all together and happy to be so.

In the next picture you see Marsha holding Foxy, a sweet little three legged chihuahua that Chester drove over 1000 miles, I think he told me, to rescue. Then myself, Chester, Lady and little tiny Angel behind lady.

Marsha and Chester are animal advocates and member of a local rescue group. They have helped countless animals and I respect them so much.

Lady is a beautiful, white pit bull that was rescued from a fighting ring. You can still see some scars on her. She was used as a bait dog. So much for the myth that pit bulls aren't able to be rehabilitated after they have been trained to fight. All but one or two of Michael Vick's dogs were rehabilitated and Lady is the sweetest little girl you've ever seen. My son has a special place in his heart for rescued Pit Bulls, as do many other intelligent, civilized people.

Little Angel is an adorable, soft, cuddly little thing that I would have taken home with me had I not been so completely exhausted and in need of some rest.

The second picture is my son Michael and Chester. The third is little Angel, being playful and happy as usual.

Then Michael, Lady and Chester.

By now you know who all these animals and people are. The last three pictures were taken over by the graves of our other three babies, Currie the Golden Retriever and Maggie and Chiquita, our other chihuahuas.

All over the cemetery you can see little statues of animals, angels, Jesus, St. Francis, flowers and flags left at gravesites. It's just great. There are benches, a place to house the ducks and chickens that have been rescued, white picket fences and the police dogs are buried up front. The owner of the cemetery donates those graves to officers who loose their partners in the line of duty. She told me when a police dog (officer) is buried you will see tons of police cars coming to the funeral with all the blue lights on. That's the way it should be. They are burying a fellow officer.

Bella's Little Resting Place

When it was time to take Bella to her resting place, Michael and I stayed with the man from the cemetery as he sealed her little casket. I can't remember what two people carried her. It's all a blur but someone did.

Then we got to where she would be laid to rest. A beautiful poem was read by one of the staff. Here it is.

I AM NOT THERE

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morninig's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.


After that a prayer was said and we returned Bella to the Father, we thanked Him for having given her to all of us.

When the poem was being read, as he was reading the line I am a thousand winds that blow...a breeze came through. Marsha pointed it out to me after the service. I told her that something caught my attention at that time and it must have been the breeze. Now when I feel the breeze, I smile and think of my sweet girl.

Many consolations have come my way since that day. I will try to list them at some point. I'll just mention one here.

About a week after the funeral, as I was waking up one morning, I could hear Bella breathing in the den. I remembered that she had gone on but I just continued to listen and the sound stayed for a while and then faded off. I was always very aware of her breathing because she had permanent respiratory problems from the heartworm disease that she had had and I wanted to see if she was having a hard time or in need of any medication.

I guess I was waking up and in that "in between" place. Hearing her breathing was a peaceful, consoling sound. I don't exactly know how to explain it. I just enjoyed listening to my girl in the next room.

The first picture of Michael in the wheat field was taken in Bassignana, Italy...where our family is from. I thought of it when I came to the line in the poem, "I am the sunlight on ripened grain." I love this picture. It was such a beautiful day and such a peaceful setting. It's so bright and beautiful and full of light and life...just like our sweet Bella Rose.

Michael helped me so much with Bella...from the first day, to the last. Toward the end of her life, when she was so sick and her fur was falling off, Michael would go with me to the vet. He was wonderful and Bella loved him. Thank you, Michael

She loved John too. That was obvious when he got a chance to come home from either Washington or Nashville...and John loved Bella...we all did. She knew who her family was and when either of them would come in the door, she would greet them and be so happy.

The next picture after that is Bella's little resting place...the one on the left. I liked the corn field in the back. It reminds me of when I was a little girl on my grandfather's farm. It's peaceful.

The second picture is Bella's little spot looking toward the pond. There is a white gazebo that you might be able to see. There is also a swing for people who want to go over there, sit and just be quiet and there is Rainbow Bridge which you can't see.

The lady that owns the cemetery takes all the ashes from the animals who are cremated and scatters them on the island. I've been out there. It's really nice. They become part of all the living things on the island. They do not die.

The third picture is pretty much the same as the first but on the far right you can barely see a bunch of chickens roaming around. I love that. There are ducks out there too...rescued. I'm sure there are many animals that come through there.

Bella's Funeral

We now have four sweet animals at the pet cemetery here in town. I can't even say where she is because my mind is still playing tricks on me and I'm afraid some horrible person will see it and go get her and hurt her....though I know that is not true and she can't be hurt anymore. It's just that in the last 11 months, I haven't been away from her much and when I was she was always with people who loved her. I've totally been in a protective mode with her. I guess I'm about half nuts right now...maybe more. I'll get better. This is just part of grief and the shock that it brings. We have all kinds of thoughts.

I was dreading her funeral because I was always such a wreck for the other three....two chihuahuas and a sweet Golden Retriever who was much like Bella Rose.

If it had not been for my son Michael, who helped me from day one to take care of this angel and two friends, Chester and Marsha being there, together with Petie (I wanted him to see where Bella was now) and three of their dogs, I would have been a mess...but I found out that friends hold you up at a time like that. I did really well...better than with any of the others....and much better than today. That's ok. It's just grief and it will get better.

My other son, John (Puddy's Daddy) loved Bella Rose, too and she loved him. He lives out of town so his time with her was limited and he couldn't be at her funeral.

At her little service, we saw her. I talked to her and I promised her that I would never let her be forgotten and never let her suffering be in vain. I told her that for as long as I live, I would try to help animals and I would do it in her name.

She had her new, soft blanket over her. I put her pink teddy bear under her arm so she could hold it. I put a rosary bracelet on her arm which had a little cross on it, some flowers from our yard and pictures of her family. I kissed her goodbye....and that was it.

I had asked if she could be buried next to the police dogs but there wasn't a spot so we chose another spot in the new section...near the pond and right over Rainbow Bridge. It's a peaceful setting.

I'm grateful that I didn't have to go through her funeral alone. Thank you Michael, Chester, Marsha, Petie, Lady, Angel and Foxy :)

I asked for some of her fur and I'm going to probably put it in a locket or some type of remembrance jewelry and wear it. I want to keep her close to me.

She will have a tombstone, like our other three and I'll post it on here eventually. It was a beautiful sunny day when we had her funeral. I'll post some pictures above. I hope you enjoy them.

This Is Where We Started

If you go to the beginning of the blog, you can see that this is the way it always was....Petie and Bella, always together.

When Bella first came home and was so sick after the first heartworm treatment, my demanding little Petie retreated and let me take care of her, without ever demanding my attention.

Petie has been there every step of the way. Bella has protected Petie.
She taught him how to tinkle on the paper. He taught her how to get excited when I came home. She didn't know anything about that. I'm sure she didn't get excited when her abuser came home wherever she was before.

Petie taught her though and pretty soon she was doing the happy dance, spinning, smiling and wagging her tail. It was Heaven.

The way I got Bella in the car was to put Petie in first and she would jump right in. If I took Bella to the vet, Petie wanted to go too and they said that they were exceptionally close. When they took Bella out to the bathroom, Petie raised all kind of hell until they took him too.

So it was good. We were all a little family and we loved each other. Bella got to know what peace, love, safety and a family were all about. She got to see what normal was and the way she deserved to be treated and loved. I did not want sweet Bella to die having known only a life of suffering. I just wasn't right and all I had to do was to see her picture in the shelter and know that she needed to be rescued. Giving her a happy life and a life full of love was my goal from day one...and we did it.

I try to hold Petie a little closer now. I don't know what he is feeling. He seems alright but I really don't know. He and Ollie both sleep in my bed now, all night. Ollie had a terrible time pulling that one off when Bella was here because she always chased him out.

Bella was a big presence and a loving presence. There is an emptyness now where she once was. It doesn't seem right that she is gone...but she is. I keep expecting her to walk through the door or come in the room. I miss her.

I'm trying to remember that quote that says...."don't cry because it's over....smile because it happened."

I'm trying not to look back but to just look inside my heart because that's where Bella is...as well as with God, someplace where I hope to be too, one day.

Toward The End

The last part of Bella's life is a blur to me. I'm not sure how many days we went through. I'd have to count them up. I tried to figure out what to do. At some point I felt that I knew what to do.

There will be days that I doubt myself, like today...but going through all of these photos today has helped me some to remember the way it really was.

You can just see how tired she was. I just couldn't ask her to keep going. We had overcome or dealt with so much.......years of abuse and neglect before we met each other, then just surviving at all by the time I got her to Dr. Heartsill, with a 60%chance of living, severe heartworms and the painful and sickening treatment that she had to go through for those, chronic respiratory problems, severe hip dysplasia, arthritis, dental disease, Erlichia, gastrointestinal pain, severe diarrhea and the one we never could figure out....chronic skin itching and then out of control lesions which I believe were caused by several different things which I will never know.

So, that is it. Bella and I loved each other. We would spend hours looking into each others eyes...just saying, I love you.

Bella had a very strong spirit. She seemed almost human to me. She was my friend and a soulmate. I really couldn't tell you where I left off and Bella began.

I grew up thinking that animals didn't go on after death...just people. I hope that isn't true. In my opinion, that would be hell.

I've heard some things that give me hope that animals do go on. I cannot imagine God creating all these wonderful animals to just let them disappear after they leave their bodies. They are more worth than we, in my opinion. So, I hope with all my heart, that I will see Bella again and can, in the next life, be in the company of animals, the way I have been in this life.

I love you sweet girl.

October 3, 2008 to August 24, 2009 - Our Time Here With Bella Rose.
Mama

Care Package

A beautiful friend, Toni, whom I have never met but who also loves animals, sent a care package to Bella, Petie and Oliver. Toni is a member of the same Prayers For Pets online prayer group and she also took her animals to Dr. Heartsill when she lived here.

We had been emailing back and forth and when she found out that Bella was so sick, she decided to put together a little care package for everyone.

This was such a happy day for Bella and Petie (Ollie was pretending he was too cool to get excited). When the UPS man came they both went to the door and I made a big deal about a present being delivered for them. They looked inside and got excited and then we came in the den and opened everything up.

Bella loved her beautiful new blanket right away...it was so soft. She also loved her little pink teddy bear. She was buried with both of those new presents which she enjoyed so much.

Petie loved everything of course and at one point got so excited that he just took off running and the photo I got of him is just a huge blur...but it's cute. It's even more of a blur than all my other photos are :(